Life is too fragile

[MiniSRT4]

I dont understand a lot of things in life and why some people do certain things they do. I know depression is apart of life and have had to deal with depressing stuff myself. But early last night a friend of mine was found dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was a very good dude and always seemed extremely happy with life. Never showed any signs of depression other than the typical non sense that everyone goes through once in a while.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is, people, if something is bothering you, know that there are people out there that love you and are willing to talk. Don't take that route that my friend has. Today is a very sad day for myself and my group of friends.

Edited January 17, 2011 by MiniSRT4

[wrngwae]

very sorry for your loss.

[Guest]

Sorry to hear that, nothing easy about losing a close friend. And you are right, when down, reach to a friend, reach out to a stranger, reach out to someone.

[IntercooledFlatty]

[MiniSRT4]

Thanks alot guys. I wasn't close to him as some of my other friends but he was a friend. And a good dude. Still very hard to come to grips with. I was havin beers with him not that long ago, joking around and whatnot. Its just such a HUGE shock

[Dad]

Really sucks to read this, I'm very sorry for the loved ones he left behind.

 

Dad

[TopDawg_43]

Really sucks to read this, I'm very sorry for the loved ones he left behind.

 

Dad

 

 

+1

 

Sorry to hear about your loss, bro

[89PalermoSHP]

it sounds cliche, but its a permanent solution for a temporary problem. its very unfortunate that he felt it was the only option. its a message to everyone though, keep tabs on your friends. everyone gets busy with their own life but if you have a friend who's having problems or tough times, take some time out to talk to them and be genuinely concerned about their well being. everyones head works a little differently but everyone also knows how important it is to be around loved ones who care about whats going on in your life. what a difference a simple and genuine conversation with someone hurting can make.

[MiniSRT4]

it sounds cliche, but its a permanent solution for a temporary problem. its very unfortunate that he felt it was the only option. its a message to everyone though, keep tabs on your friends. everyone gets busy with their own life but if you have a friend who's having problems or tough times, take some time out to talk to them and be genuinely concerned about their well being. everyones head works a little differently but everyone also knows how important it is to be around loved ones who care about whats going on in your life. what a difference a simple and genuine conversation with someone hurting can make.

Well said.

 

I know I for one went through a pretty rough breakup last month and I was really REALLY down about it. But I do have some of the greatest friends and family in the world. Not to mention, keeping myself occupied also got my Starion running finally. Times get tough for everyone, everyone needs to know that there are outlets without paying the ultimate sacrafice.

 

Thanks for your kind words everyone

[Komeuppance]

Damn. We're here for you man.

 

-Robert

[drummer030201]

i know how u feel dude

 

last year i too lost a friend, but he was found hangin in his closet

 

if you need to talk to someone feel free to txt or call me at any time, i know it helped me, but everyone is different in how they handle things.

 

815-735-6773

 

Muzzy

[Shelby]

SORRY BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS FRIENDS ARE NOT REALY FRIENDS,, NOT TOO UNCOMMON THESE DAYS WHEN EVERY ONE WANTS THEIR SO CALL'D SPACE, sorry but caps were need'd cause we see this every day and for one reason of another make excuses for not interfering ,

 

back when my our brother came home from vietman he was one mess'd up person , but he had 6 brothers to be with him day and nite , many many guys did not have this suport group, for some reason life has lost meaning

to many it has little value , they for get it's the only thing in the world that does have any meaning for us .

 

we are each alone , that is a teriable thing , for many it's some thing they can not over come, each of us builds walls arround our inner feelings, , some times it only takes a few kind words to break down those walls and alow others to understand we all are in the same boat , other times it's much harder but to save a single life it's worth every posible effort to get the message across , your not alone we are all here for you

 

i'm gona step on some toes here but one prime example is high school teen age kids,,, they are the closest we can come to prehuman animals esp in the way they treat others , esp ones that may not look like or talk just like the majority of the other students,

 

i'm almost 67 yrs old and to this day i an haunt'd by what i have watch'd my classe mates do to other less fortunate children , and this was done by the so call'd elite kids , the church leaders children

 

one little girl will for ever live in my memorys , she was only 7 with long flowing beautiful red hair then her mother die'd,she had 2 brothers but boys have no idea about how to brush a girls hair , so every day she went to school with mess'd up hair ,, every girl on the buss rentlessly torment'd her with names like rag mop,, day in and day out .

one day she try'd to drown her self but thankfuly live'd and was taken in my a local church lady,, 12 years later this rag mop was 3'd runer up for miss ohio

she was one of the lucky ones ,,so many many more were not so lucky

 

civilize'd,, humm few know the meaning of the word

[MiniSRT4]

Children are terrible to each other, I was always the "fat kid" growing up but that just taught me how to be witty and have really funny comebacks.

 

But my friends and I are all in our mid to late 20's and its so hard to believe this happened. Considering he never showed any signs that he was depressed. He was the same as ever. Guess we were wrong.

 

But thanks again everyone, this forum really is awesome.

[chiplee]

SORRY BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS FRIENDS ARE NOT REALY FRIENDS...

 

Sorry, Shelby, but I can't agree with what this implies, which is that if people were being good friends to the guy this could have been avoided. When someone commits suicide there is one person at fault and one person only... the dead person. No one else, not even a horrifically hurtful ex-girlfriend who breaks a guy's heart, bears ANY blame for a suicide. An old friend of mine lost her boyfriend to suicide, and was subsequently blamed by his family for years afterward. His family was so certain their son was "too normal" to commit suicide that they concluded it could only be one thing, his girlfriend. Everything was normal and happy between them when he did it. There had been no fight, no infidelity, nothing, not that it would change anything about "fault". The boy's family was so terrified of the possibility of their own culpability in his suicide that they projected all of the blame onto her. She was shunned, a literal outcast in a small town where everyone knew everyone. It drove her to the brink of emotional collapse, and she began to internalize their ignorance as the truth because she got it from every angle. I actually helped her see their misunderstanding, and helped her realize no one was to blame but him. There will always be guilt and self doubt when someone close to us commits suicide. We'll wonder if we could have prevented it, or if we missed a warning sign. The fact of the matter is that we've all been ignored in times of need, but it didn't result in suicide for us. It is a confluence of factors that lead someone to take their own life. No one person or event can be blamed. No friend not being "really a friend" is at fault. They're just gone. It's the ultimate selfish F you to the world. It's a contradiction; it's cowardly and brave, terrible and beautiful, and really just our prerogative. No one asked to be alive. If they don't like it they can be dead instead. The living people they leave behind tend to be surprisingly selfish about it as well really, as they focus inward on what they could have done to prevent it. What a bunch of emotional children we are.

Edited January 18, 2011 by chiplee

[SilverFlatty]

sorry to hear about your loss lambo, i lost a friend back in november, if you ever need to talk bout life, meat (lol) etc, gimme a ring, or message me on FB..

[allen405]

That was hard to read, really sorry for your loss. Sometimes people are good at masking there problems with a smile or they think its not cool to appear vulnerable as a man. I don't know, but like the other guys said we are here for you. Just talk to someone

[Shelby]

Sorry, Shelby, but I can't agree with what this implies, which is that if people were being good friends to the guy this could have been avoided. When someone commits suicide there is one person at fault and one person only... the dead person. No one else, not even a horrifically hurtful ex-girlfriend who breaks a guy's heart, bears ANY blame for a suicide. An old friend of mine lost her boyfriend to suicide, and was subsequently blamed by his family for years afterward. His family was so certain their son was "too normal" to commit suicide that they concluded it could only be one thing, his girlfriend. Everything was normal and happy between them when he did it. There had been no fight, no infidelity, nothing, not that it would change anything about "fault". The boy's family was so terrified of the possibility of their own culpability in his suicide that they projected all of the blame onto her. She was shunned, a literal outcast in a small town where everyone knew everyone. It drove her to the brink of emotional collapse, and she began to internalize their ignorance as the truth because she got it from every angle. I actually helped her see their misunderstanding, and helped her realize no one was to blame but him. There will always be guilt and self doubt when someone close to us commits suicide. We'll wonder if we could have prevented it, or if we missed a warning sign. The fact of the matter is that we've all been ignored in times of need, but it didn't result in suicide for us. It is a confluence of factors that lead someone to take their own life. No one person or event can be blamed. No friend not being "really a friend" is at fault. They're just gone. It's the ultimate selfish F you to the world. It's a contradiction; it's cowardly and brave, terrible and beautiful, and really just our prerogative. No one asked to be alive. If they don't like it they can be dead instead. The living people they leave behind tend to be surprisingly selfish about it as well really, as they focus inward on what they could have done to prevent it. What a bunch of emotional children we are.

 

 

 

 

Chip thats perfictly fine for you to have your own opnion and to be blunt all

it is is your opnion , not a blanket cover all answer to all that have done this.

 

for certian any one that takes their own life has a problem , but that does not excuse us ,we are our brothers keeper like it or not do it or not .

 

in my few years one of the most noticeable causes of suicide i have personaly been made aware of is religen

 

i do how ever have a question for those reading this,,how many FRIENDS do you think you have ,,think long and hard befor answering

[Edde]

Chip thats perfictly fine for you to have your own opnion and to be blunt all

it is is your opnion , not a blanket cover all answer to all that have done this.

 

for certian any one that takes their own life has a problem , but that does not excuse us ,we are our brothers keeper like it or not do it or not .

 

in my few years one of the most noticeable causes of suicide i have personaly been made aware of is religen

 

i do how ever have a question for those reading this,,how many FRIENDS do you think you have ,,think long and hard befor answering

 

 

I got where you where going with this. We come into this world alone and that's how we leave it. Surrounded by friends and/or family is just that, surrounded while we reside in our internal world. We have many acquaintances. Not so many friends.

 

Oh and I am sorry for your loss Mini.

Edited January 18, 2011 by Edde

[wrngwae]

 

i do how ever have a question for those reading this,,how many FRIENDS do you think you have ,,think long and hard befor answering

 

 

i am very fortunate to have a great group of friends, i would say there are at least 6 people,any time, any where, what ever i needed would be there. but that has not always been the case. sometimes you have to stop you drive forward in life to help others. you cannot step on people when they are down you lift them up. just my view. this thread is very hard to read at times.

[averse]

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

 

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was richyes, richer than a king

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

 

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

 

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

Edited January 18, 2011 by averse

[chiplee]

Chip thats perfictly fine for you to have your own opnion and to be blunt all

it is is your opnion , not a blanket cover all answer to all that have done this.

 

for certian any one that takes their own life has a problem , but that does not excuse us ,we are our brothers keeper like it or not do it or not .

 

in my few years one of the most noticeable causes of suicide i have personaly been made aware of is religen

 

i do how ever have a question for those reading this,,how many FRIENDS do you think you have ,,think long and hard befor answering

 

Great, and it's just your opinion that my post was just my opinion. Kinda' fruitless to point out don't you think? You can be your brother's keeper if you want of course, but to me it is just plain unhealthy to talk about what "friends" should have done when someone commits suicide. We're past that point, and why do we always talk about ourselves at a time like this? I mean isn't that telling? After a suicide someone is dead, and our narcissism is so out of control that we think we had a hand in it, or that we should have been a better friend to "prevent the tragedy." Hell it almost seems like the only reason we care about preventing someone from committing suicide is to prevent our own hurt and shame and guilt. Honestly where do we get off? Do we love our friends and family so dearly that we would have them languish in emotional agony just so we don't have to grieve their loss? I know I know, we want them to "get help", but that's not where our hatred for suicide stops is it? We hate suicide even when friendless, debilitated people suffer every minute of every day in utter emotional and physical duress. We hate suicide because of our own minds. When treatment fails, we still prefer drug induced vegetative states to ending it. Death is our psychological enemy. We need to get over that. It makes us do irrational things and make irrational decisions.

 

Oh and of course religious people are prone to suicide. Their heads are pumped full of lies until their entire existence is a house of cards. One wrong event... one major occurrence that doesn't fit the world they think they know and they are utterly destroyed. When something hurts bad enough they just can't cope. Because they're taught that they are constantly being judged, they think the event is a punishment. If there is no explanation for the punishment then they think they can never be good enough. They give up. That level of hurt, to them, was supposed to be impossible if they led good Christian lives. They don't understand that everything is just circumstance. Religion is a huge juvenile coping mechanism, and religious people have no adult coping skills. They just lie to themselves and say hard things don't have to be true. Afraid to die? Don't worry about it, death is just a "seeya later." Sad about the loss of a loved one? Don't worry about that either, you'll be together again. Don't understand the poverty and suffering in the world? Forget it, god works in mysterious ways, and without sadness there can be no happiness. One cop out after another religion relegates adults to only the most child-like level of personal responsibility and self awareness. Be good for goodness' sake? Nope. Be good because someone is watching. It gives people an excuse to never emotionally grow up, until one day something hits home and hits hard. Some people lose their faith in these moments, and suffer for years with feelings of embarrassment and emptiness. Some are so twisted their faith is reinforced. Others off themselves. Religion was what humanity did before it discovered its own psychology. There was an excuse for it back then. There is no excuse now.

Edited January 20, 2011 by chiplee

[vbrad511]

Mini, words can't express the sorrow when we lose somebody we know, whether they were a casual friend or somebody very close. Analize it, but don't beat yourself up. There are a few potential lessons here for you and his surviving friends and family. First, it's not your fault. Maybe he showed signs, maybe he concealed them, just sounds like nobody saw the demons he was hiding. Second, time heals. You will get on with things, and it will get better. You will not forget him or the good times you had. You'll wish for more that you won't get, but cherish the memories you've got. Third, keep an eye out for your friends. Not to the point of pestering them, but if you're really concerned about something, and comfortable approaching him/her, get him/her alone and feel it out a bit. Intervention has helped millions of people deal with depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc... Regardless of what Chip said, we ARE our brother's keeper. We have a moral obligation to watch out for the ones we love. We have a moral obligation to look out for the people around us we don't know. That compassion is what makes us human. I feel sorry for the guy that declares sympathy after the fact useless.

There may be more things to take from this, but that's up to you to figure out. Just hang in there....vent when you need to.

[taquito]

srt first of all im saddened to hear about your friend. Reading the story and lookin gat your avatar/pic is a little disturbing. Hope you turn to others when you are feeling down. I have 2 kids and a nagging wife that i love to death I dont know if I can afford to feel depressed with them around they keep me busy and thats what sometimes people need. They need to keep busy and congrats on getting the car back up and running.

[Kreal]

Hell it almost seems like the only reason we care about preventing someone from committing suicide is to prevent our own hurt and shame and guilt. Honestly where do we get off? Do we love our friends and family so dearly that we would have them languish in emotional agony just so we don't have to grieve their loss? I know I know, we want them to "get help", but that's not where our hatred for suicide stops is it? We hate suicide even when friendless, debilitated people suffer every minute of every day in utter emotional and physical duress. We hate suicide because of our own minds. When treatment fails, we still prefer drug induced vegetative states to ending it. Death is our psychological enemy. We need to get over that. It makes us do irrational things and make irrational decisions.

 

You said it best. People are too worried about what effects the suicide of a family member/friend will have on THEMSELVES that they ignore or try to 'push away' the person contemplating suicide. The ploy of 'go get help' is so over-used that I don't think people realize that the help the person needs is right there with the person they mentioned the suicidal thoughts to. Sometimes a bad situation can be defused so easily if others would listen to them but if ignored it could snowball into something horrific.

 

 

I feel bad for the friends/family members of this person but I feel it isn't right to put blame on the person or think that they were weak or a coward to do what they have done. No one can know the feelings & thoughts & situations that play in the persons head. Sometimes a person just needs out.

Edited January 19, 2011 by Kreal

[MiniSRT4]

I don't blame this on myself or anyone of his friends or family members. What I do however wish is that he would have just talked to someone. I mean he had some of the greatest friends in the world. I know I can go to any one of them about things that bother me. Oh well, for some reason or another, he felt he couldn't go on anymore. It truly does suck to lose someone who really was an awesome dude. And as stated in the original post, I don't understand certain things people do but, everyone needs to know there are people out there to listen. I wasn't as close to him as some of my closer friends, but I'm just trying to be there for them right now. I didn't make the thread to get sympathy as much as it was to let people know that despite not showing signs, sometimes people need to pay closer attention and if your in need, just reach out.

 

Thanks again everyone for your kind words. Really looking forward to PF this year so I can finally meet some of you.